Above all, it is necessary for a person to have a true self-estimate, for we commonly think we can do more than we really can

--Seneca – On Tranquility of Mind, 5.2

The thing I love most about stoicism is the ability to combine its philosophy at work and home.  Most people, myself included, do not truly look at themselves dispassionately in either setting.  We are great, we are smart, we are everything someone should be and capable of everything; until we are not.  I experience this recently when I had to look deep inside myself and acknowledge that like all people, I am flawed and have weaknesses.  Most people overestimate their skills while failing to give themselves credit for what they are really great at.  When you truly understand who you are, you will be better at every aspect of your job.  What does this have to do with lending, you might ask; patience is another stoic virtue.

How should you go about doing this assessment of yourself?  First, stay off the internet for answers and any quote that has the phrase “comfort zone” in it.  Sit down ALONE[1] and start with a simple list of traits and BE HONEST with yourself in listing the good and the bad.  Have the guts to share that list with not just close friends or your significant other, but work associates and ask their honest assessment.  Tell them to be frank and thank them when they are done.  If you are unclear by what they mean, say “tell me more.”  You could consider having people fill out something anonymously as well, like a 360° review.  Once you acquire all this information, schedule your first therapist session.  I say this tongue in cheek, but also acknowledging that a good therapist will help you along your journey and they are well worth the expense.  One thing I found out about myself is my innate ability to believe all MY originated deals were good deals, or at least deals worth taking to the next level. 

You may find you are strong and weak at the same time at something really important.  For example, what makes you great at business development is talking…a lot.  What makes you bad at presenting to investment committee is talking…a lot.  Being an advocate for your deals is usually not a good idea as others will believe you are not thoughtful about the risks.

You may realize many things you did at work should have been left to others.  Perhaps you don’t trust other’s work product so you decide to do more work than you should have on analytics when, in fact, your best use of time is in marketing.  Maybe you don’t want to admit to others you are really not a people person (perhaps you are timid, harsh or a poor communicator) and should leave the primary investment committee presentation to others.  We are so concerned about our virtual territory protecting it like Gandalf who famously stands at the Bridge of Khazad-dûm before the Balrog yelling “you shall not pass!”  However, if you remember the movie or book, the Balrog’s whip grabs Gandalf by the ankle and drags him into the abyss.   Gandalf eventually returns from the abyss, but not until after battling the demon that drew him down.  This is a great analogy about how our own hubris pulls us inextricably into a chasm that can take years of experience to crawl out of. Understanding oneself will not just make you a better lender and leader, it will make you a better person.  You can still be zealous and thoughtful, for example, be passionate about the company’s mission and do your best to accomplish it, but don’t love a deal.

Why is this so important?  Simply, for many of us our compensation model is fatally flawed.  Some of us are paid by getting deals done, not by killing them.  Thus, blinders are adhered to our brains forcing us to ignore the red flags others might see forcing us to argue that those people are wrong or stupid.  One change made at Vion is compensating those bringing in deals the same way we compensate everyone else; how did the company perform, ignoring who originates deals, good or bad.

HUMILITY PART 2

I begin to speak only when I’m certain what I’ll say isn’t better left unsaid.

--Plutarch – Cato The Younger, 4

Listen more and speak less.  You have probably heard this before, but it is so terribly hard to do.  Are you really listening, or just waiting to talk?  Studies have shown that even while you are listening, 90% of us are actively formulating the response instead of actively listening, which prevents you from truly engaging with the person speaking.  Dutch writer and professor Henri Nouwen once wrote:

"Listening is much more than allowing another to talk while waiting for a chance to respond...The beauty of listening is that, those who are listened to start feeling accepted, start taking their words more seriously and discovering their own true selves. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends."

I admit I am in the 90%, but am trying to be in the 10%.  Listening is a way of being humble, a way of saying I am not more important than you are, that your opinion brings value and that I do not have all the answers.  When you actively listen, others begin to add weight to your opinions, which might just be enough to get that deal approved.  How can we get better at this?  Caren Osten, who publishes “The Right Balance,” has a few suggestions:

1. Practice – Work with a partner for 4 minutes.Each speaks for 2 minutes and the other only speaks when prompted, but you still nod your head to show you are listening.
2. Be Open Minded and Accepting – In other words, listen, don’t judge.Don’t offer advice unless asked for.
3. Be Attentive – That doesn’t mean staring, but being focused.
4. Listen to the Words and the Silence – People love to fill in silences in the conversation.The person may not be done, but pausing for reflection on what to say next.
5. Ask Open-Ended Questions – Questions such as “what do you think about management?” or “what are your expectations on compliance?”, “what challenges do you see?”.The idea here is the questions should not be leading or intimating some expected response.

The above lessons are hard learned and sometimes never learned.  Learning them before it’s too late will make you a leader at the office and better person at home.  One last point: take Plutarch to heart.  There will be times when you are completely alone in your opinion.  As the author Brené Brown said in Braving the Wilderness,

Most of us are either making the choice to protect ourselves from conflict, discomfort, and vulnerability by staying quiet, or picking sides and in the process slowly and paradoxically adopting the behavior of the people we’re fighting. Either way, the choices we’re making to protect our beliefs and ourselves are leaving us disconnected, afraid, and lonely.

You must stand up for your values and be who you are or you end up joining those who, on the inside, you disagree with.  Being quiet when you strongly disagree with someone will just frustrate you.  Protect your beliefs and, in the end, you will be happier and earn the respect of others even if they oppose you.